No culture is perfect.
But I believe our part to play is in the everyday decisions we choose to accept and strengthen, or reject and weaken it.
I’ve travelled to nearly 30 countries. When I’m alone, it’s a matter of time before someone says leeringly, “Take me home with you,” or “You’re so beautiful.”
I’ve always ignored them.
But something changed when I turned 35, when I underwent an infuriatingly long training on sexual harassment before I was urgently deployed to Africa.
Fast forward into my trip, a few guards asked me, “Can you choose a Swazi husband from us?”
I waved them away, gently. But it happened daily. Then when a dining staff asked me the same thing, offering up one of the managers for my choosing, a great awakening happened.
For the first time, I pushed back, drew boundaries- “This is inappropriate and unprofessional. Please stop. Thank you.” I was firm but even-toned.
A look of shock. Then furious apologies. Word spread. Nobody said that to me again.
At once, I saw the power of drawing boundaries, bravely but gently. When we address sinful parts of our culture in humility without shaming the other person, we reshape and redeem culture for our community.
Whenever I go to a social event in Singapore, it always fazes me that people greet me with, “You’ve lost weight,” or “you’ve put on weight.”
Once, two different people who greeted me at once said each of those statements- all in the span of 30 seconds.
They know my past with an eating disorder. Yet, this happens often. Even more so, unfortunately, in church circles. And too often to women.
“Oh, but this is just our culture.”
In Chimamanda Adichie’s words, “Culture does not make people. People make culture. If it is true that the full humanity of women is not our culture, then we can and must make it our culture.”
I am learning to say, “I’m afraid your comment about my weight makes me uncomfortable.“
This is how we shift culture, not under the guise of being polite, but by choosing to be bold AND gentle, by confronting evil with humility, by drawing braver boundaries.
Surely, we can and must make that our culture.
