“So, how’d you get this?”
I looked at him, an energetic, broad, white bushy-bearded American in his early thirties, eyes twinkling, as he bit into another breakfast sausage.
We both stayed at the same lodge and had bumped into each other a number of times. He, too, was in development work in Eswatini- with a multinational non-profit from the States.
“Oh, you mean this consultancy?”
“Yea, everyone knows how damned hard it is to get into the UN. Bloody difficult, I’ve been trying for the past six years!”
Mouth wide open, I stared back at him, speechless.
I had always been grateful to be here. But for the first time, I realized the extreme magnitude of the miracle of my deployment here with the United Nations, when I had neither striven nor chased it.
In a God-way, it had fallen into my lap, as an invitation to obedience.
When I said yes to the call for humanitarian assistance, I had no idea where I’d go or that UNICEF would make a direct request for someone with my exact skill set.
He put down his fork, eager to hear tips and tricks of getting into the insider circle.
I told him the truth.
“What? That’s INSANE.”
“Yea, I know. I believe God made it happen.”
“You sure got the universe workin’ for ya,” he polished off his bacon.
Today, as I ponder over making decisions, pursuing life choices, I struggle, still, between being proactive and bold to seize and create opportunities for myself, versus holding back and seeing God work.
The truth is- getting what I want the way I want it is tempting. I could hire expertise, pay money for services, apply for opportunities.
Yet I know when done that way, the outcome never feels enough. One would always wish it turned out better, stronger, shinier. “If only I had more resources, it’d be even better.”
When I look back on my life, I realize how God’s serendipitous story always surprises me- in times of waiting. Amidst the grey mundaneness of ordinary faithfulness, He loves to break through with surprises. Surprises that we can be sure are good, and at the right time.
But we can’t just sit back and do nothing, can we?
It reminded me of a vision I had when I was recovering from anorexia more than a decade ago. God gave me a vision of my speaking in America to a large audience about my healing. I scoffed at it, yet secretly also pondered if there might be a way to “make” it happen.
Fourteen years later, while pursuing my Masters in Public Health at Johns Hopkins, an American lady from Nashville called me to invite me to speak at her freedom conference for Christian women in healing, because her psychologist friend’s sister-in-law was my supervisor’s colleague and picked up my book “A Taste of Rainbow” on her desk by accident.
I stood on stage before thousands of women, overwhelmed by the miracle. I was the only Asian for miles in that little all-white American town.
Forever, this will be a God story.
Amidst the drab greyness of everyday life, God pushed through with a forgotten dream, shimmering in gold.
Yet, without being faithful to His leading for me to further my studies at John’s Hopkins, this would not have happened either.
I am learning- that we need both- a proactive pursuit of faithfulness in everyday living, and a posture of peace. To partner God proactively, enthusiastically and yet wait patiently for Him to move, even if it takes a long time.
The offer to consult for WHO/UNICEF came not through hard-sell applications, but broke through amidst the drab landscape of daily, faithful ploughing through the job of serving migrant workers through public health.
“When you’re back, be sure to build your empire from Singapore,” said a professor to me recently. “I can create so many opportunities here for you. Forget about your dream to serve the poor overseas, that can wait. Your time is now.”
Today, as I wallow in several dilemmas, as I feel tempted to do more than I can muster, I pause to think about how God works, how He has always worked.
As you feel tempted to build your career, grow your following, get famous- would you, like me, ask yourself these questions?
“If this works out, who gets the glory? Is there a God story in this?”
For as I ask myself that question, I see the dross fall from the gold. I see my motives more clearly.
Perhaps, only then, can we find a little more clarity about our self-driven desires and His ways. Perhaps, then we can run and not be weary, walk and not faint.
May God give us the boldness to dream, the grit to be faithful, and the courage to wait on Him.
His story, His way, will always be good.
