“NO!! NO!!!”
My almost three-year-old flung herself on me, burying her head in my neck.
Whenever I shared with her that I was leaving for Africa and there would be adjustments, Esther-Praise would throw a fit.
“NO MAMA! NO GO!”
Day after day this happened.
While my nearly-five-year-old had her own breakthrough, it felt like too much to expect my less-than-three-year-old to accept this unimaginable news.
With only days to go before my departure, I became desperate.
“God, would you take away any sense of abandonment? You have reassured my almost five year old, but how about Esther-Praise? How will she ever understand? I need Your peace, a clear sign.”
One night, before bedtime, as we lay in bed in the darkness, we went through the same sequence that always triggered explosive “NO!”s and fits.
“Esther-Praise, so this is Mama’s last few nights with you. And then there’ll be one night coming soon, where I’ll put you to bed, but when you wake up, Mama will be gone for a long time. And then, if God wills, I will come home.”
Tears filled my eyes. My voice broke.
“NO SAD, MAMA.”
What? I did a double take. Did I hear correctly?
I asked the question differently, certain that I had been misheard.“When Mama’s gone, how will you feel?”
I expected the usual whimpering outbursts of “SO SAD!”
This time, however, came the words, loud and clear, “HAPPY. NO SAD, MAMA.”“But what will you do when I’m gone?”
I sank into the mattress, expecting her usual vehement head-shaking, the usual answer of “SAD MAMA, ESTHER-PRAISE SO SAD!”
Instead, came the biggest widest grin peeking through the darkness, declaring, “EATING PIZZA! EATING PANCAKES! RIDING BIKES! WITH PAPA! WITH JIEJIE (big sis)!”
My heart swelled.
He has been faithful.
When He calls, He provides.
His grace is always enough.
*Thank you to those of you who have offered to spend time with our children and cook meals for them. Because of you, I’m certain EP won’t be eating just frozen pizzas when I’m gone. Our hearts are filled with gratitude. 
