When I heard what he said, my heart skipped a beat.
Not again. Not here, not now. Not a day before our 5th wedding anniversary.
“My blood results came back,” said my husband Cliff. “The Bilirubin ain’t good.”
My heart and mind raced. Bilirubin. Liver transplant failure. Crisis.
Six years ago, just before we married, I remember Cliff’s first medical crisis after his liver transplant from cancer sent me to my knees in prayer. Back then, so many people questioned my choice, challenging me why, why someone with a transplant, why a “high-risk” choice, why.
As shared on our wedding video which had gone a little viral back then, I felt it was God’s way of challenging me whether I was willing to take a step of faith, which has since become a theme in our journey, and a part of our daughter’s name.
Back then, I never dreamt we would have much time together, much less have children. I never knew if the immunosuppressants he was on might affect our chances of having children- part of me never wanted to know.
Specifically, I had bargained with God for three years of marriage. It explained the insanity of our choices, why we kept ourselves mobile, why we left to serve in Uganda for a year. Having a glimpse of the brevity of his life put a brake on the whirlwind race in my life, that was set on a path of success, wealth and prestige, without any meaning.
Why this news, why now. I thought of the irony of the matter- six years ago when Cliff proposed, I was fuming because I had applied to Johns Hopkins for a Masters of Public Health. In my own childish words back then-“You’re ruining my plans!” Truth be told, it was the best decision I had made- to drop my application to marry him.
Fast forward to today, we’re at Johns Hopkins, only because he kept reminding me of the dream I had laid down six years ago.
“It’s time,” he said. “I’ll do everything I can to support you.”
His little sacrifices in dying to himself, day by day, to give life, hope, and dreams to his wife and daughter for us to be here, have made not only our lives all the richer, but has set ablaze an example for many fathers who watch the testimony of his life in awe. My friends at school remind me daily, how much they admire his dedication in looking after Sarah-Faith, his commitment to our well-being by dropping her off to school to me every day at lunchtime, his funny antics in keeping our marriage fun, and thriving.
So why the news now, God. When I’m finally at Hopkins. Just a day before our fifth wedding anniversary. Is this some sort of joke?
“Are you certain?” I asked. “You sure it’s bilirubin that’s high?”
“Yes, I’ll show you the results.”
And there it was, the numbers in red, the numbers that don’t lie. And above it, the heading which was brazenly printed “Bilirubin,” explaining Cliff’s reply.
My medical eye scanned the section furiously.
“Wait a minute,” I said. “There’s a technical glitch!”
And there it was, the heading “Bilirubin” when it was supposed to be the section for fasting glucose. A misprint, an error, an online formatting glitch. His bilirubin and liver panel were printed next to it, and were entirely normal.
How we laughed!
It all made sense. That just a day before our fifth wedding anniversary, I was reminded once again of the miracle of his life, the value of our marriage and how much I ought to cherish him, and us.
In a day and age where marriage has become disposable, I remember the commitment we made five years ago, till death do us part, however soon or later death might be, and my heart swells with gratitude.
Thank you Cliff, for the past five years. And Thank You God, for every day gone past, and each one to come.
And here’s sharing that short video that went round the world and back, five years ago.