“Sorry to disturb, Wai. Can I ask, do you have 2000 shillings?”
Then she came close to me and whispered, “I want to eat fish.”
How audacious! I was taken aback. Didn’t we just buy her and the class of African students we taught at the bible school a treat of fresh eggs and “Simsim” (an African treat of sesame seeds) this morning?
Having only the same meal of beans and Posho, a bland textureless starch dish, for lunch and dinner every day, it was amazing to see how their eyes lit up as they cooked up the eggs immediately to savour. They were as delighted as children on Christmas Day.
As soon as I heard her words, my ‘Mzungu‘ (a term locals call foreigners in Uganda, literally meaning “aimless wanderer”) defenses kicked in- what did she think I was, an instant cash machine? Fish? Wasn’t that a delicacy? It is at least back home.
I declined her request immediately. “No,” I said, “I do not.”
And then I blurted out unconsciously, “this is not right.”
We all know the saying: It is better to teach a man to fish than to give him a fish.
In a land where the needs all around are overwhelming, we have both been careful about giving money or things away. It takes wisdom to know what needs to meet, and how to help best. Many times, we wished there was a formula of some sort to follow, but often, trial and error, under the covering of prayer, is the best way to learn discernment and generosity.
In the bible school where we teach at, men and women from Uganda, Rwanda, Burundi and Kenya come to be trained as pastors. But many, having come from families of poverty and without a secure vocation on the side, have little means of a stable income.
After that rare meal of fried eggs that morning, was Cliff’s computer lessons, meant to equip them with basic IT skills to improve their skillsets for life. As the day drew to a close, it was the youngest bible school student, a 21-year old girl, Peace*, who came up to me to ask that audacious question.
I was deeply offended.
Later though, as I shared my inner struggle with Cliff, I wondered, was I living what I had preached to them about loving one another? If so, then what held me back?
Yet, my inner defenses shot up high: If I give her money, she’ll ask for more next time. Worse, all the other students will think we Mzungus are here to give money away. We are here to teach them to fish, not to give fish away! Finding myself needing to justify my actions, I rationalized that my generosity had not been tainted- didn’t we just sponsor a student in genuine need to see the dentist for his excruciating toothache? But to satisfy a whim to eat fish?!
Still, I struggled more. Weren’t we taught and didn’t we teach them to love our neighbours as ourselves? Didn’t the bible tell us not to refuse a brother or sister in need? “Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act. Do not say to your neighbor, ‘Come back later; I’ll give it tomorrow’- when you now have it with you. – Proverbs 3:27-28
When my thoughts cooled, I realized to my embarrassment, that two thousand shillings was equivalent to just a dollar back home.
It was then that I started to look at the context of Peace’s question, and see her as a sheep from the flock we had been called to shepherd, and not a woman of insatiable greed. Orphaned at a young age, she lived most of her life in poverty. At one point, she slept with her mother under a mango tree because they were chased out of their home. It was one of the other bible school students from Kenya who had informed the visiting Ugandan pastor about her, so he could enroll her into bible school, which she now loves. There, under the mango tree, was she handpicked. She is one of the most studious in class.
Peace had asked for a dollar to buy fish. In my head, fish meant a catch of fresh, juicy tilapia, the most common African fish here. But all she was asking for was enough money to buy a packet of Mukene, a tiny nutritious silverfish with a rancid smell like rotting meat, similar to dried anchovies. Mukene is what non-profit organizations here encourage the poorest in the village to eat, because it is the cheapest source of protein they can afford, next to beans. With a diet of only Posho and beans for every meal, every day, it was not too much to ask. I also forgot, that she was from Kenya, and this tiny fish was one of the few things that reminded her of home.
The directness of her question had startled and offended me. But the words which a pastor had shared with us just before we arrived in Uganda came to mind, that Cliff and I would have Shepherds’ hearts to love the poor, broken and needy.
Instantly the familiar bible verses came to mind, “”Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead?” (Luke 11:1) and “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? (Matthew 7:9)”
Peace was not asking for something exorbidant. Having not had a job her whole life except helping her mother with farming, she probably did not have any savings. It was then I realized, that over time, the students had looked to us to be more than teachers, but friends, mentors, and indeed, as their shepherds.
The next day, as we brought a big packet of Mukene to the bible school, all the students were overjoyed. But no one could have been more thrilled than Peace, who immediately started chatting animatedly about how Mukene could be prepared and eaten, and how it was prepared in Kenya.
As we left the bible school, the gentleman who had his toothache fixed saw the Mukene and smiled his broad smile again, knowing he could finally chew and eat again, and enjoy this rare delicacy.
“ You have a mother’s heart,” he said, as he walked us out.
And right there and then, a wave of emotion washed over me. At once I had a glimpse of what the True Shepherd’s heart looked like- it looked like love. And love meant that while our hearts longed to see the people learn to fish for themselves, there would be times, too, where it looked like a packet of Mukene fish, given with love.
“He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young.”
– Isaiah 40:11
*(named changed to protect privacy)