At the Honesty Circle talk, a talking space and platform for ideas about money to be discussed, organised by Playmoolah, Cliff and I were invited last night to share our journey about Giving and Relationships over a talk and video interview, in light of this Valentine’s Day season.
Entitled “Giving and Growing Together”, we enjoyed a cosy session together as I shared how my perspective of money and finance had been greatly challenged by the impact of radical giving, through life and especially through the miraculous events that happened through our wedding.
The questions that came at us mainly revolved around Couple Finance.
And we had to give a disclaimer, we’re no Money Experts!
But in our short and brief history of marriage together, here’re Ten Things we’ve learnt that we shared.
1. Talk about money regularly.
Once a week, Cliff and I set aside a fixed time to discuss issues on our hearts and to clear our emotional accounts. This could range from any topic, from how we like the dishes kept to the next mission trip planned. Very often, this also includes finances, about whether we think we are spending too much and how we can re-look our budget and expenses. This keeps us on the same page, and helps us move forward in our relationship in step together!
2. Live simply.
While we don’t live on a penny every day, living simply does have tremendous benefits- less clutter, less stress paying unnecessary bills, more freedom to manage money that you do have on hand. When you’re together with someone who lives simply, it’s hard not to admire his ability to spend less on himself in order to spend more on others. This definitely takes off the stress from having conflicts about one another’s spending habits.
3. Splurge, only on each other.
Just last week when I bought a pair of shoes on sale because the soles of my old shoes were peeling off,
we walked past yet another shop with a big sale, to which Cliff asked,
“Hey Wai Jia, wanna have a look?”
Still holding the new shoes I had bought for $20, I asked, “What for? I only have one pair of feet you know!”
To which Cliff replied unhesitantly, “Yea, but there are SEVEN days in the week!”
This story cracks up an audience every time. What we’ve found is that by living simply, we train ourselves to be content and grateful for what we have. And by being generous and spending on each other instead, it deepens and strengthens our relationship in ways we never thought possible.
4. Make Giving part of your lives.
If possible, make that Radical Giving. When two people (even just friends) come together and make a commitment to a common cause of giving, it’s almost impossible not to develop a bond. Look for opportunities to give, to needy people on the streets or to a charity. Sponsor a child overseas or take time off to volunteer at a Home or a Soup Kitchen. In this digital age, even if you work 80 hours a week, giving to a cause can be just a few clicks away.
Whatever it is, make Giving part of the DNA that intertwines both your hearts together.
5. Be open.
There is no magic number for a cap limit before asking the other for “permission”, but we’ve loved being open with each other about our spending. Depending on your mutual agreement, this could mean informing or asking the other person about a purchase ranging anywhere from $100 to $1000. I’ve had friends who laugh at me about this, suggesting I am “backward” to have to ask my husband, since I earn my own keep (What age are you in, Wai Jia?!!) . But we’ve found that this openness has helped us foster trust, accountability and respect for each other.
In our vocabulary, there’s no “your money” or “my money”- it’s “ours”. Period.
6. Spend what you can.
Again, we stressed, there’s no magic number we know when it comes down to a percentage of savings or expenditure. But what we do know, is that when you both set aside a budget, stick within it. Not only does it build your character, it honors the trust between the both of you. When it comes to wedding planning, especially, keep communication lines open. Where you must exceed the budget, have a discussion about it first!
7. Avoid debt .
We don’t believe that the wedding day is the “biggest day of your lives”. The wedding day is the start of a life-long journey together, and we look forward to making each season of marriage better than the last. Hence, don’t fool yourselves into buying designer wedding gowns and add-ons you know you can do without, at the expense of your bank accounts. Remember, the wedding day is about the celebration of the love in a community, and not on items that will perish. Start your marriage right, and be debt-free from the start.
8. Invest in Ministries.
When your newly-married relationship has gone on to a steady path, challenge yourselves to go further. Keep your antennae up for causes you’re passionate about, and see if you can invest time or money into a worthwhile ministry. Consider making a trip down to the ministry or non-profit organisation to be a part of the good work, go a weekend visit or take leave to go on a short-term humanitarian trip together.
9. Honor your parents.
We had a question concerning wedding planning- what if you’re the one who wants to keep things simple, but your parents want it to be a little more elaborate?
If you ask us, we’ll say, Go for it. When we use money, let’s not be hung up on the amount spent, but rather, the motivations behind the use of it. So if our intent is to honor our parents and to show them appreciation and love through spending a little more, we’ll say, go for it, guiltlessly! After all, it’s quite likely that your parents love you enough not to want you to break the bank because of them!
10. Have Valentine’s Day throughout the year!
When Cliff and I were put on the hot seat to confess what Valentine’s Day surprises we had for each other, Cliff shared that I had given him a surprise a day earlier by putting up a heart-shaped surprise when he got to he bathroom early in the morning:
And as for me, I shared that what I love most about him is how he chooses absolutely the most mundane and randomest of days to throw the wackiest of surprises and give flowers, without spending extravagantly, just to remind me how much he loves me and making Valentine’s Day a regular day throughout the year.
What financial tips have helped you as a couple strengthen your relationship?