One morning, groggy, from not being able to sleep after awakening at 4am in the morning, I got up as usual to pack breakfast for Cliff. As soon as I opened the fridge to reach for the jam jar, a glass bottle of the spiciest chicken-rice garlic chilli sauce rolled out gleefully, only to smash onto the floor to send glass shared and chilli flying all across the kitchen floor in vengeful splendour. I sighed at the mess, only to lift my groggy hand and knock another mug of water to the floor (it was made of plastic, thankfully).
“Oh no…. Cliff,” I groaned at six-thirty am in the morning. But as soon as he came to kitchen, he got down on all fours un-resentfully to clean up the crimson mess as I carried on making sandwiches.
“I’m so, so sorry,” I said, “I’m such a klutz.”
To which he only replied cheerfully, “Don’t worry Wai Jia,” and then, mimicking the Lego Movie character, he chanted, “Awesome, awesome! Everything is Awesome!”
Sometimes, it is in the most mundane of things and through the yuckiest of moments, that one can feel most loved.
Through the last couple of months, we have seen each other through quite a number of ups and downs- me, taking time off work to accompany you to see the doctor; you, spending time waiting for me while I see the doctor; me, waking up early to pray for you; you, taking time to do bible study with me every weekend and offering to process the emotional transitions towards missions with me; me, sensing your stress, finding recipes to cook foods you like and what I might not be able to cook for you in Africa; you, sensing my stress, finding ways to ease my load by running errands for me, even sacrificing your lunch-hour to deliver my manuscripts and paintings to my publisher’s house a great distance away.
People see the facebook posts- the crazy and grand surprises that Cliff is often capable of coming up with, but it is also in the everyday that a relationship is kept alive, and burning.
One day, having both suffered the burns from a stressful weekend, I sensed your displeasure with me. “Your mind is not with me,” you said. “You are on your phone, you’re texting, you’re with me but not with me.”
And it was true. All weekend I had been stressed out packing, writing emails and doing work through my phone. I know that you’re so easy to please, but you just want me to be in the present with you. Me sitting on your lap, silent, not fidgeting with my phone checking my emails or facebook messages makes you so happy. I learnt something that day- to make a greater effort to be present when I’m with you.
Last weekend, my Dad randomly asked me if I could live without you. And I knew that day might come, would very likely come, but that for now, I would rather cherish every moment with you, and let you know that I care more about you feeling loved than attending to every message as efficiently as I can. Your liver numbers went a little wonky again lately, they always seem to act up before we leave for a mission trip. With both of us having had our medications increased on the same day we saw our doctors, I know there is little we can take for granted.
This Valentine’s Day, I don’t have much to give you except this simple surprise of saying “I love you”,
and let you know,
how very special you are to me.
Love you.
