Certain.

They say that one’s character is best shown in its consistency in different situations, and different contexts. That’s why it’s so important for people to stay connected to their communities, and more so after they get attached. It is often through the observation of the other person’s friends and community, and his interaction within his circle  that one often gets a more accurate idea and realistic perspective of the person.

I never really got to see Cliff in his own familiar environment in Canada where he is from, not until now. My observations of him were based on communities he had newly formed when he arrived in Singapore as a missionary but not among his own friends. Returning to Canada and seeing him comfortable in his own skin with friends he has known far longer than me, has been nothing short of eye-opening and beautiful to me.

Having the privilege to see your neighbourhood, high school, church, family and friends has not only helped me understand the world you grew up in, but has confirmed the man that I knew I had married 8 months ago.

 Cliff’s beautiful neighbourhood, filled with wild bunnies, robins and squirrels hopping around

 You are truly the gentle giant I know. Your mom tells me you would never hurt another human being intentionally, or another animal, even. From the attentiveness and adoration shown by the youth in your church during our sharing with them about missions and healthy relationships, I could tell they truly respect and admire you for who you are, and it was a reflection of the time and love you had sown into their lives when you led their youth group. When we went to another group of friends’ house for a barbecue dinner, they surprised you by decorating the whole basement with pictures of you and us together, bringing delicious home-cooked food and dessert, and even hand-made a beautiful Bear and Bunny cake for us.

 

 Us sharing about missions and relationships to youth at your church

 

 

 Your friend’s hand-made cake for us 

All this reflects the person you were, and are not only to me, but to all around you.

 I just love watching you in your home country. You drive, you are comfortable with navigation, you are everybody’s Mr. Nice Guy and so much more. Everybody misses you and loves you so dearly. Before we arrived, it was raining and gloomy- but you brought the sunshine and blue skies with you ever since we arrived.

 

 

I watch as you chat and laugh freely with your old friends- it’s been a long time since I’d seen you this carefree. I now appreciate and understand how much you had given up, to trust God and come to Asia as a stepping stone to serve the poor. I see you pick a flower weed along the trails for a good friend’s little toddler girl- she is so thrilled by your gentleness and thoughtfulness; I hear the story of your friend having a bird flying and wrecking havoc in her basement – you were the first one she called since she moved into Canada and you went over immediately, cornered the feathered creature in the bathroom, and just in keeping with your own gentle spirit, wrapped it in a blanket and released it into the wilderness again. You made this trip just so wonderfully memorable for me by planning surprise after surprise for me- it is as if this is our real honeymoon since we went on a mission trip to Cambodia right after our wedding last year. I never imagined I would see the Niagara Falls in my lifetime.

 

 I love spending time with your family. Your mother is a brave and wonderful woman- she handled news of your liver cancer years ago with courage and candour. Though she doesn’t often express how she feels about you often, she loves and admires you greatly. She says you can never tell a lie successfully- I agree. We have both become close friends. In seeing your life back home, in seeing the talented and humble cook your mother is, and how selflessly your father serves you all , I now understand in greater depth the kind of food you have grown up eating, the kind of environment you have grown up in and how I can cook for you to make you feel more at home.

 

Your friends just miss you so much. And that made me see just how much a good friend you are to them. They describe you as a man of radical love, humility, servitude and goofiness. You are everybody’s best friend and trusted confidante.

 

I am so glad I married you. I joked with your mother, that you are so wonderful a man that I had to marry you twice. You would fight tiredness to watch the sunrise with me on the mountains; you would drive miles to and fro to find a place where we can horse-ride together (only because you know how much I love horses); you would go all out to help me feel nourished and cherished.

 

 

It’s not pretty when we fight. It puts us back into reality to see how we each are selfish and broken, and how it affects the other. But we know storms do not last long, and we aren’t afraid to talk things through, even if it isn’t easy. You are always quick to make up or apologize, even if you’re not in the wrong.

 

It has been a busy trip, you being in demand to meet up with all your friends and family… but for all the many generous pockets of time you’ve carved out for me to make this trip special, it has been absolutely magical.

It makes me so happy to see you in your element, back home again. And it makes me more certain than before, of the person I married.

 

I can’t believe we marry again tomorrow.

 

Love.

Cliff and I near his home, in Mississauga, Canada