It’s true when they say, it’s the littlest things that make the biggest difference in life.
Sometimes, it just takes a little effort to make a connection with someone you love. Just a little text message, a Whatsapp photo or even a little note slipped into someone’s lunchbox could make a significant impact in your loved one’s life.
One day, I remember being suddenly overwhelmed by gratitude when a friend shared, with the intention of encouraging us to love our loved ones more, “One day I asked my wife, ‘ If there was just ONE thing you could change about me, what it would be?’ I was surprised to hear her say after more than a decade of marriage, that she wished I would text or call her in the day during working hours to let her know I was thinking of her. She’d been wishing that all these years.”
At once, I reached for Cliff’s hand and became embarrassed with emotion. I knew, from reading many books on marriage, that this was the heart-cry of many women, to be loved and affirmed on a daily, consistent basis. At that moment, I knew I was one of the few privileged wives to enjoy this rare privilege, and I let Cliff know how blessed and thankful I was. To him, it was just a couple of seconds peppered throughout the day, but to me, it meant the world. It meant that he was thinking of me; it meant I was the first person he would share any revelatory thoughts with; it meant I was his soulmate.
After mulling over this for a few days, I decided to record our communication in a random day. More than just to keep a one-day record of our relationship, I wanted to see capture how intentional his love was, and how much effort he put into loving me effortlessly. I wanted to capture the sensitivity, beauty and love of a man who has so often selflessly put the needs of others before himself.
Love, truly takes effort to be effortless.
Indeed, love doesn’t happen or disappear overnight. Every touch, every word makes a difference. And love, when enmeshed into our lives, permeates into every part of our being. Even the way we look at each other, the way we touch and the way a word is cast upon the air, makes a huge difference in the lives of others.
16 May
6:45am: We awake in the morning, or rather, I do before you. You sense my movement, and roll over to pass me a familiar hug and kiss on my forehead. Entwined together, we pray before we each get up. You for me, then I, for you. Every morning, we begin like this. Prayer, before getting out of bed.
7am: I’m packing your breakfast in your backpack (you have a habit of eating later in the day) while I’m preparing my own toast (I have the habit of eating first thing in the morning). You are now awake, and take the fan from our master bedroom into the living room just so I can enjoy better ventilation while having breakfast. This little act of service means a lot to me.
7:10am: I am having breakfast and you have just finished a bath. You walk out to give me a kiss on the cheek and say something kind about me- be it what I’m wearing, how my hair looks, or just how you like my arms. You head into your prayer corner to have some quiet time with God while I finish my food. We pray together again, our second time together before we leave our home for work together. We hug again.
Even before leaving home, you have given me at least 8 acts of kindness, affirmation and love. This happens every day.
8:04am: You forward me 2 pictures of Jojo, your beloved cat back home in Canada. Your sister has just sent them to you. I have only just left you minutes ago- I feel as though you feel our time together is always too short, in a beautiful sort of way.
8:10am: It is raining heavily. I was walking down a slope when my shoes lost their grip. I had slid down a gravel path and scraped my hand. I have only just seen your pictures of your cat and am strangely comforted you had texted me so soon after we left each other. I share what had happened.
8:25am: Oh no. R u ok. 🙁 I am comforted by your message.
I reply that I had a bloodied palm, but nothing is worse than road rash from cycling. That meant I was all right.
9:06am: Hugs. I will kiss it better tonight.
You will kiss it better. In a way, most of the scrapes and bruises in my life are “kissed better” by you. Be it a gentle word, an encouraging pat, or non-judgemental listening, you always make things better.
9:44am: I loved hugging you this morning. Feels so special.
We hug every day. But I find it amazing, how each day, you find something we do that has become routine and share your enjoyment in it with me. In doing so, you instill a freshness into it. Each day, you find something about me which I find absolutely boring to praise and affirm me. Once, you randomly commented how you just liked my eyebrows. I find this little thing you do absolutely touching.
10:00am: I reply to say I love you very much, and that receiving your kiss and praying together every morning makes a big difference to the start and the rest of my day.
10:20am: Love your pretty face.
I always wonder how you find the energy or sincerity to comment on something beautiful about me every day, be it my smile or my arms or my skin. I could have been ill or had the worst day at work or just woken up and still you would say something to affirm my beauty. I am so grateful for that.
10:34am: So thankful we are a team. Yesterday was incredible. (Thumbs Up. Smiley Face)
Incredible, indeed. Just a day ago we were at the top junior college in Singapore giving a talk to students about compassion and poverty. The other speaker from the Red Cross could not make it, so we ended up sharing our lives with them. Being able to bless others as a couple has a deeply unifying effect on us as a team.
11:56am: Are you ok? How are you?
I am not with my phone so I did not reply you.
1:44pm: Did you have a good lunch?
I explain that lunch was rushed and I had had a challenging morning of meetings.
2:42pm: Hug. The technician who came to fix my computer today saw my desktop photo and asked me about that picture of us together in the slums.
Why you chose that photo to put on your desktop never fails to amaze me. You and I, with some children from the slums, instead of a pristine photoshopped wedding photo… reminds me of how you constantly and intentionally keep our dream of bringing hope to the needy alive.
3:04pm: Hug. How is your leg? Is it hurting?
I can’t believe you’re still asking me about my fall this morning. I’m always amazed by how sensitive you are. I explain that my butt took the brunt of the fall and besides the bloodied palm, I was very much well.
3:08pm: Hug poor thing. Can’t wait to see you tonight to make you feel better. Thank you for always loving and taking care of me. I feel very loved and special. Hug.
Every day, you find something to thank me for. Yesterday, you thanked me for packing grapes into your bag as a snack. It is the little Thank Yous that fight against ingratitude and push against the insidious mindset of taking each other for granted. I’m amazed at how you find every opportunity to display appreciation and gratitude to me each day.
3:19pm: An email from you:
The Boy and The Kite
http://improbablephilanthropy.com/books/
I like :)…
love you much… 🙂
3:34pm: Another email from you!
Bear and Bunny!
…i was searching on line..thinking about our ministry thing..
http://www.bearandbunny.com/?p=976
i saw this..not very related to ministry but i find it is very interesting 🙂
i love you very much!
We were just talking about our dreams for the future a day ago. You had remembered, and during breaktime, had googled a couple of sites just to brainstorm for ideas. Being the person to share your ideas with, makes me feel extremely privileged. Not to mention that you take every opportunity to tell me you love me, lest I forget.
4:08pm: You cook very well. Hug. Love you.
Yet another affirmation. And just in case you think 16 May was an exceptional day I picked to write on, it was not. I had decided on the day before this recording, just so I knew it would be an absolutely random and authentic day.
5:27pm: I am coming by your workplace to make sure you are okay.
I am in a meeting which I know will end late, and will need to rush off for my Child Psychology night-class so I frantically ask you to head home for a swim instead.
5:28pm: I’ll just come by and drop you off to class at Raffles.
Knowing what a mad rush it will be, I insist you head home for a relaxing afternoon.
Your emoticons always crack me up. You are just like that, full of drama and animated affection:
You send me your thoughts from reading a devotional:
Today’s devotional tells us to rely on God and not to say how just how we barely survive at the end of the day. God is not cheap. He event sent His son for us. I am reminded of what you say about support and relying on God to provide. Hug.
I feel special to know that I am always the first person you are eager to share your thoughts with whenever you receive a spititual revelation.
7:04pm: Love you. Hug.
7:08pm: You send me a picture of the food I cooked for you the day before to have at home while I am at class, assuring me that it is yummy.
7:28pm: Yummy.
8:13pm: The dinner you prepared for me is filling. I am so Happy.
8:45pm: When do you get off class? Hehe love you much.
I am at class and the teacher is going through some revision questions so I reply discreetly to say that I’ll end at about 930pm.
Then, at 9:09pm:
9:10pm: I came to pick u up. Just let me know when u r done.
I could not believe it, but you had come all the way from home in a train to pick me up from my night-class just to give me a pleasant surprise.
A colleague at work had asked me about you yesterday. He said, men like you are endangered, if not, extinct.
When I shared that with you, you laughed incredibly hard. But it did make me see just how incredibly special you are, and how incredibly blessed I am. It seemed uncanny that you should do something so memorably sweet on the day I decided to do a random record of your acts of love, but also apt, in revealing how amazingly special you do make every day.
As we conducted our first 3-hour “It’s Uncomplicated” Relationships workshop from Focus On The Family to a group of 50 youth from Tampines Junior College yesterday, for our first time as a married couple, I recounted the above as an example of your love for me. The teenage boys sitting at the second row shook their heads in mock despair, suggesting how you had set the new benchmark of love way too high. Serving together with you has been an incredible privilege. I am so, so proud of you.
This exercise showed me, in a very explicit way, that Love is always best displayed day-to-day, in and out, in the mundane and on occasions, hour-by-hour, minute-by-minute.
Love, is in the little things you do.
Thank you.
Photo by Ian Ho