One.

Who would have thought, that this was to be the foundation of what we fought for.

Oneness, that is.

We learnt, through marriage preparation class and life itself, that Oneness is the cornerstone of marriage.

The first weekend after we got married, we woke up one morning with that knowing look in each other’s eyes. The sun had just peeked up. Our wheels were leaning against the wall. Because of all the preparations leading up to our wedding, we had put this aside for some time. But now that the glitter and fanfare had settled, we were ready to kick up some new dust of our own. We were ready to hit the roads.

So off we went, Cliff and I, him with his tri-bike and me with my roadbike, raring to train together on an early, crisp morning with blue skies and yellow sunshine spreading across the vast expanse of sky. With the wind in our hair and nary a person in sight, the feeling of having one’s passion fit back into one’s heart, exulting in it with pure joy and indulgence, with the company of a friend whose passion for it and what more… for you, far surpassed what we were enjoying together… was incredible.

At one point, there were tears in my eyes. His life is a miracle. Our union took nothing short of a miracle to make happen. And there we were, riding together with carefree abandon, weaving in and out of each other’s paths with ease and rhythm. It was like we were One.

Which is what I’ve or rather, we’ve been learning. It’s no longer I, but we. And yet, in that We, I remain separate from you. Perhaps romantic literature might rather have us dissolve into each other, but we still resist that formless, amorphous mix. You and I are We, and yet still different, but nonetheless each connected to God, and hence to each other with the same unbreakable tenure. A three cord strand is not easily broken.

After all, we are riding different bikes. Each bike is fit to us distinctly, its dimensions fitting our curves and frame uniquely. Your bike is a tri-bike with handlebars you like to rest your forearms on for greater speed, while mine is a road-bike, far lighter than yours; You mount your bike from the right, while I mount from the left. In the same way, we each carry different functions, we each have gifts, talents, and quirks distinct to ourselves.

But

        we dream the same

dream.

Which is why our two bikes fly forward in the same direction. And even in that state of separate-ness, our dream to the final destination binds us, cements us. It is what jolted two different people, tired, out of their beds at dawn; it is what drives the both of us at the same speed, catching up with each other or slowing down to give the other encouragement, forward; it is what causes one to help the other, at the cost of one’s self.

 Just like all my other spiritual revelations about life learnt on the bike, it was then that I understood another level of Oneness.

There is a servitude of the other at one’s own expense. Which is why I wake up earlier to pack a lunchbox for our mid-ride picnic at our usual spot underneath the trees, which is why you slept later the night before pumping up our tyres, which is why you came home, absolutely exhausted, and still found time to wash our mud-coated wheels and shoes, which is why I secretly mended the Velcro part of your shoe strap which had come off.

The whole point, really, is to achieve the common goal of enjoying the ride.

As absurd as it sounds, isn’t that, to some extent, what marriage is about? The union to another person, the giving up of certain things to serve another, for the greater joy of reaching the destination together? You have prayed with me at 2am in the morning, spent hours with me talking through points of conflict to resolve them, you find chores to do daily to lighten my load. But you also drop me random messages in my mailbox to make me smile, buy me flowers on occasions you make up, and insist we do bible study even when I whine. I come home only to find clothes washed and hung, the utensils tucked away neatly into drawers, the bed made. It brings me great joy to pack you a nutritious breakfast every morning and cook a sumptuous meal at night. You and I strive to make each other lives easier, so we can move forward together.

We journey together, as one, because we have the same dream of reaching and tasting a glimpse of God… together.

Which is also why I have decided to change my last name to yours. Marriage reflects the relationship God has with us. In our new birth in God, we lose our old identity to take on His. In the same way, though it was difficult at first and did cause a few sparks to fly from other people who didn’t understand, you and I desired this symbolism to be captured in my new name. Saying goodbye to my old life of singleness, to embrace this new season of Oneness. From the day we married, I no longer belonged to myself, but we belong to each other. My third picture book “i love you”, is authored as ” Tam Wai Jia”.

At the end of our ride we were both beat but immensely satisfied. Not only had we each achieved our own cardiovascular goals, we had helped each other stretch his abilities to reach his own. Throughout the journey, there were times we could have competed recklessly, overtaken each other out of pride, or gone on ahead when the other was stalled. But that wasn’t the goal. The goal was to reach the destination together, building each other up and enjoying the process throughout the journey.

As what I said to everyone on our wedding day at church: Thank you for being my life coach, my personal trainer, my spiritual mentor, and best friend. Thank you for journeying with me.

Its only the beginning, but it has been a great ride thus far.

 

 

“So they are no longer two, but one.

Therefore what God has joined together,

let man not separate.”

– Mathew 19:6