The Overcoming Life.

Launched full swing into the workforce, what with 80-hour workweeks and a job which demands both physical and mental stamina, wears down your patience and stretches your abilities, I begin to see how each day really is a battle against the forces of this world. It was during a talk a few weeks ago by the head of our Palliative Medicine department, where I was inspired to rethink the purpose of my job.

Yes, we work to earn a living, we work to be a blessing. But above all, we work, because through this journey, we find a myriad of opportunities for personal growth. After my 5th 30-hour non-stop shift with only half an hour of sleep in the wee hours of the night, I find myself desperately desiring more of God to change and shape me into a person abounding in patience, love and joy, even more when circumstances do not allow so.

The world demands NOW. It demands YES. It demands riches and security and explosive oustandingness all the time. BE KNOWN. EARN YOUR STATUS. YOU DESERVE THIS. Everyday messages seep into our skin to have us believe that this artificial world ought to fall at our feet.

It was just today on my knees that I realized just how much God has humbled me in the past month.

An organization had invited me to speak at their upcoming Youth Health conference. There was a bit of fanfare, and I was excited, what with knowing there would be some 2 to 3 hundred youth at the event. Then it got cancelled, or postponed rather, because of poor registration, as it was timed during the school holidays where a hundred other camps and programmes were running at the same time; I had been nominated for a national award- it was flattering to be honest- then I got notified that I didn’t win; The radio talkshow host who had requested for an interview was so very keen and eager to invite me to speak, then apologized for not being able to do so anymore, because she couldn’t arrange for enough speakers who were willing to talk about self-esteem and depression among youth to make up a month-long series.

I received all this news in the past week.

Through this series of rejections and turndowns, right after a season of much fanfare and triumphs earlier in the year, I was beginning to see the lessons God wanted me to glean through this.

I had prayed for humility. And this was truly humbling indeed.

We’re not indispensable. And no matter what our achievements, we’re certainly not too important for God to say He doesn’t really need us to work for Him as much as He hopes for us to grow in a personal way.

I felt challenged: The world says YES, and UP and BE FAMOUS. Worldly forces inject pride and feel-good factors into our veins. But are we wiling to say NO, are we willing to go DOWN the ladder of success and STAY LOW enough to keep our feet on the ground. I’m not saying that all those opportunities weren’t good. I’m saying that this season, I am learning humility. That’s all.

Every day is a battle. Just yesterday, in the stress of a mounting number of to-do things for patients on my list in a very limited timeframe, I spoke just one notch too curtly to another nurse over the phone as she languidly answered my questions. She was not understanding my instructions and I finally said, “Look, stop. Listen to me.”

Everyday forces say NOW, MUST, DO. But it takes humility and a God-factor to realize WAIT, SLOW DOWN, BE PATIENT. She’s just another human-being, too.

Working has suddenly opened my eyes to the cut-throat rat-race reality of climbing the corporate ladder. I now see and understand a little more of why people want to EARN, want to FIGHT, to GET SOMEWHERE UP THERE FAST. It struck me hard, and it is striking me harder every day to realize the ironic fact that the more I work, the closer I get to being in a relationship (if I ever do) and being independent, and the faster I grow up, the more daddy will let me go and thus, the greater the downgrade in my life will be.

There will be a MASSIVE DOWNGRADE in my life. I can see it coming. Even more so if I ever, ever get married. (I’ll be frank to say that financial woes also make the M-word seem very, very intimidating indeed.)

As I remember the missionaries I met in Africa, those from London, Scotland, Canada and America, and how they used to live and now live among the children in hot and arid Mozambique, I begin to realize, how over the years, I have unconsciously grown used to this fine living. Just the thought of having to find my own place outside and living in a rented place without the swimming pool and facilities I’m used to, or having daddy drive me out for dinner makes me feel a sense of dread. I am beginning to realize that the bible is real and true when it talks about denying oneself to serve God and His people. I am beginning to see how flesh wars against spirit when it comes to fulfilling one’s calling in life.

The world says screw that, you can have it all anyway.

Yet, it silences me to realize, that truly, the greater the ‘downgrade’, the bigger the rejections and the tougher the hardships, the closer I am to the heart of God, and “overcoming the world”.

This morning on my ride through town, I cycled past a group of Bangladeshi construction workers squatting by the roadside waiting for their work to begin and saw how their eyes followed me as my roadbike and I whizzed past them. We are the haves among the have-nots. And it was ironic for me to see, how the more I earn, the more I grow up, and the closer I am to my vision, the more I will be translocated into the territory of the have-nots. In a foreign land in the mission field, I will be a have-not indeed.

I used to think it would be easy. With the love of God, what could be so hard?

But I now see, how my feet, too, are entrenched in the sticky clay of this world, and need to be uprooted. Just a month into work, I have grown used to the privilege of being called Doctor, of being respected, I have been swayed by the temptations of climbing up fast into a paradise of comfort and lifelong luxury; I now see, how hard it must be for missionaries to give up everything late in life to contend with huge lifestyle adjustments. I now see, how if I do not constantly challenge myself to overcome temptation, it will overcome…

…me.

I don’t have all the answers, and I don’t have all the know-how either. All I know is that I pray each day, for God to build in me a faith, an overcoming faith, to help me triumph over the forces of this world, to stay low and humble, and real and true to the calling He has for my life.

With Him, we can overcome.