Birthday Wish.

I never quite understood how people could wake up one morning discovering they had become someone they didn’t know. I mean, weren’t you always in your own skin? Don’t we look at ourselves in the mirror daily?

As I turn 23, look back on the person I used to be, have become and am becoming, I think I finally understand a little of what that means.

2 weeks into my Ophthalmology elective and being exposed to the glamorous, luxurious life of rich and powerful doctors, I find my flesh, occasionally, gravitating towards that magnetic charm of the life a high-flying doctor could have. One’s worldly eye becomes drawn to the high technology, the comfortable lifestyle and the power to buy worldly possessions. Suddenly, I understood how day in day out, this materialism could rub off on you. Suddenly, I understood how one could be sucked into a vortex of covetousness and greed, and conform to one’s surroundings.

I learnt, how it is not only possible, but perhaps even very likely I could become someone I vowed I never even would dream of becoming. I realised, that unless one makes a conscientious everyday effort to swim against the grain of the norm, one could easily wake up one day not recognising the man or woman in the mirror.

3 days before collecting my new roadbike, Faith, (the one my friends’ bought for me behind my back and which my parents helped to bring to completion), I found myself strangely disturbed. How did I end up owning something so expensive? With more time spent riding, would I become self-absorbed, spending less time doing community work and loving the weak and the poor? What does this mean- have I become superficial and materialistic? Although God had allowed a twist of events to occur to assure me of His divine intervention to bless me with Faith, I also began to see how it could stumble, distract and ruin me.

I learnt, how it is not only possible, but perhaps even very likely I could become someone selfish, materialistic and spoilt. I realised, that unless I continually looked intently at my actions, consecrated every ride and every purchase to God, and put my personal faith into action, I could easily become fast, self-centred, extravagant and conceited.

4 days before my birthday, I found myself pensive. Am I becoming the person I wanted to be when I was little?

I am afraid, of how medicine, and materialism might roll me under. I am afraid, of forgetting about missions and the true meaning of medicine.

Nonetheless, there is hope.

On the second day of my Ophthalmology posting, I bumped into Zhang Qing at the hospital. As coincidence or divine appointment would have had it, her doctor was my personal mentor.

Zhang Qing is a 20-year old girl from China who had acid poured all over face by her elder sister’s boyfriend when she was 14 years old. She has only one eye- where the other eye should have been, is a pore oozing with a little pus. Her only eye is now almost blind. She has two-thirds of a nose, a crooked mouth, and a face mostly made up of large overlapping keloids. She comes to Singapore once every few months because Dr. Tan LY, a well-known Singaporean missionary doctor, flies her in ever so frequently for hospital checkups. Because of him, funds could be raised for her multiple operations to save her skin, face and eyes. Because of him, she came to know God, accept her plight and walk bravely on with life. Because of God and him, she has new hope for her future.

For my birthday this wednesday, I invited a large group of friends to my place. Then, we will be selling beautifully handcrafted cloth flowers Zhang Qing made to raise funds for her. Even in her situation, she has hopes to raise money for not only herself, but for needy victims at the Rahabilitation Centre back in Kunming, China. Dr. Tan has been such a great support to her and many other needy patients from forgotten places in the world.

In Dr. Tan, I see the kind of doctor I would like to be.

I remember, Zhang Qing grasped my hands that day and prayed aloud for me in mandarin, “Dear God, I pray that you will help Wai Jia be the best eye doctor she can ever be. Help her to help a multitude of people.”

I learnt, that whatever I have learnt, and am learning now about life and missions, God and the poor, I must put into action. Unless faith translates into deed, it is only but head knowledge, utterly useless to the world.

Yesterday as my training buddies and I were training, I biked at the fastest speed I had ever biked before. It would be my last ride with my current bike before Faith comes. Uncle J came up to me and chuckled, “If you’re so fast now on a 7-speed bike, you’ll be soaring with wings like eagles on your new 10-speed bike! You’ll run and not be weak!” I laughed at his amusing biblical allegory, before quoting a biblical scripture in return, “Ah, but pride comes before a fall.”
I was reminded, that unless our values and faith are put into action, they are but like a stationary bicycle, useless. Unless one rides Faith and pedals it hard, Faith is only but a chunk of aluminium.

Faith, must be exercised. Excuse the pun.

Uncle J was one of those who had helped me improve greatly. Even though he was in the fastest pack and always had a huge race to train for, he always watched my back, always encouraged me, always slowed down to look after me, even if the rest of the pack had zoomed off and I was the only one left behind. He was one of the main conspirers who had suggested the idea to get me a new roadbike behind my back and brought Faith to completion. Today, for the first time, I overtook him. He was pleased.

I text messaged him to thank him for being such a big blessing to me, for teaching me to be more generous with my time and money, as he had done for me, and even more so when my new bike comes.

” One of life’s greatest joys is to help another. If you feel blessed, I guess I have done my part,” was his reply.

In Uncle J, I see the kind of training buddy and sportsperson I hope to become.

5 nights ago as I sat down with Grandpa Zhou and he gave me a gold packet as a tradition for the Chinese New Year, he wrote on it an elegant couplet he had thought of. In essence, it meant that he thought I was someone who helped others and had a heart like God’s.

At that moment I wanted to cry, not as much because I was touched as much as it was because I knew how terribly far it was from the truth. Didn’t he know I got angry and impatient with people, patients too? Didn’t he know I was proud and full of myself at times, especially when I was busy? Didn’t he know that sometimes being a medical student gets into my head? Did he not know that once upon a time I despised and was scornful of him too?

And so, this birthday, my prayer is to be able to wake up each morning knowing the person under my skin, and the face in the mirrow. I pray, that that person would become a doctor not of wealth and power, but of simplicity and humility, a sportsperson not of pride and conceit, but of grace and consideration for the weak, and a person, not of malice and covetousness but one of faith, hope and love.

I pray that like my new bicycle, Faith, which will come soon, my faith, too, may be used, translated and exercised, powerfully and purposefully, to bless the people around me.

That is my birthday wish this year.

“Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves.

Do what it says.

Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says

is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and,

after looking at himself, goes away and

immediately forgets what he looks like.

But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom,

and continues to do this,

not forgetting what he has heard,

but doing it—

he will be blessed in what he does.”

-James 1:22-25