On my first day back home in Singapore,
After what was a magical 12-day trip eating clean, minimizing screen time and having uninterrupted time with family, I felt slowly crushed by the problems I left behind when I opened my emails one by one.
The problems were still there, staring right back at me.
The things I was afraid of, still looking squarely at me.
I realized- there are a lot of things I’m not good at doing in this world. Do I stick it out or call it quits?
At lunchtime, I walked through a building I experienced trauma in before, of making a pitch presentation to a sponsor who promised a great deal of funding for my first staff in my non-profit, only to disappear after.
I walked through, expecting my heart to palpitate, but it didn’t. I enjoyed the walk, had lunch there.
Today, we are a growing team of 4.
It was then I realized— I had healed.
The problems that felt insurmountable before are not insurmountable now.
In Cliff’s words— “when you were away (in Perth) from your problems for a while, the world still spun. You were happy.
These things you face are hard things, but they are not devastating problems.
They are simply challenges you feel intimidated by right now.
Sometimes, all you need is a little time, a little distance, and a fresh perspective.”
And with that, I think I can face those hurdles.
I can do this, a day at a time.
Someday, when I grow up, perhaps I’ll look back and realize they weren’t so hard after all.
Then I got home to a bundle of surprises- a beautiful blouse, a birthday card for my 4-year old, a handwritten card, 2 gifts for my children – from people I have never met in person before… and a surprise personal delivery from a friend- the complete DogMan comic series.
I stared at the gifts, tears brimming.
Is this what we call Grace? An undeserved gift.
I am reminded, that life might be a series of ups and downs, but if we can count our blessings and make them count, life is deeply worth living and celebrating— even if it’s just through those little moments, even if I can’t figure a whole lot of it out.