IG highlights of NGL Q&A can be found here.
Q1. Have you ever felt like you could serve God better and serve many more people being single? If yes, how did you reason that with motherhood?
I used to think that without a doubt, singleness was superior to being attached because as Paul says, “No one serving as a soldier gets entangled in civilian affairs, but rather tries to please his commanding officer.” – 2 Tim 2:4
I used to read this as suggesting that being single made one superior to service.
While this may be true in some aspects (after all, singleness does give one more time and freedom than young parents), I have learnt that it is far more important to be obedient to God’s ways rather than our plans.
I did not expect that marrying Cliff would propel me further into my destiny.
I did not expect that children, in their guileless, childlike ways, would open up doors to ministry in ways being single could not.
When I was in the mission field serving with a missionary family, they shared how the local people opened themselves so much more to them once they saw they had children because it was a clarion statement, “I love you so much that I’m willing to risk the comfort of my own children to live in at nationally with you.”
That blew my mind.
Having said that- I do not think being married or being parents is superior either.
If we look at these verses, what strikes me is the singular focus to put God’s commands first.
You could be single and gallivanting in disobedience. Or you could be in the worst, most time-consuming season of parenthood and be a powerful witness to the world.
Ultimately, it is OBEDIENCE, not our relationship status, that determines the strength of our testimony, and depth of impact in the kingdom.
So, whether you’re single or attached, rejoice and give your all to God in every season, while entrusting Him to determine how your life looks like- as a single, married, or widowed person.
Q2. thank you so much Waijia, appreciate you 🤍🙆🏻♀️
Whoever sent this,
thank you 🥲
It reminds me of this morning when my two girls and I were in a crowded coffee shop and looking around for a table to sit on.
And a girl hurries to finish her coffee (I think she was telling her friend to hurry too) so she could give up her table for us.
Before she left, she plucked up her courage to share, “I follow your IG, thanks for writing what you do. Your girls are so cute.”
I wish we had taken a photo. 🥲
I’m grateful for these little words of affirmation each day. Thank you for making writing such a fulfilling experience for me ❤️
Q3. What does discipleship look like in your house for your toddlers? Would love to see a day in the life!
Thank you for asking this question, Mama or Papa!
Here’s my attempt to share with you a glimpse of what discipleship in the Team Tam Fam looks like!
It starts and ends with the Word,
with self-care as a priority,
mixed with loads of (hopefully) FUN!
Q4. Is there anyways to understand the Bible better?
This is such a great question!
I used to just go through the motions of Bible reading because “it’s good for you” but never really understood a lot of what I read.
Context, culture and translation also play important parts in understanding!
I know many people use Bible studies, BSF, cell groups as ways to grow.
Those are all great! ☺️
My favorite way to understand parts of the Bible is to delve deep into particular passages that God speaks to me about and use LOGOS to do my own word studies.
Reading, learning, writing to reflect, even discussing what I’ve learnt or need to learn with trusted friends/mentors… and then finally preaching/speaking His word through sermons… is my favourite way to understand His Word more deeply.
Q5. How do you stop comparing with others, and focus our call to run the race well.
Oh friend, you’re so brave to ask this question.
Had to take a bit of time to ponder and mull over because it’s something I still struggle with from time to time!
In a digital world where social media can cause a crushing comparison complex, it’s important to limit our social media intake.
While media presents itself as an opportunity for community and connection, for many of us, it’s a fueller of self-doubt.
Research has long shown the correlation between social comparison, social media use, and poor mental health!
So for me, whenever those green-eyes monsters rear their ugly head, I do a few things:
1. I remind myself I’m comparing my weakness against someone else’s greatest strength or highlight. Social media, in particular, is very good at selective promotion.
2. I remind myself of the season of life I’m in. I might be comparing myself to mentors or people I admire deeply, but it’s unrealistic because they are two decades ahead of me!
3. I remind myself that even if we are on par in many areas, God has made me unique in my own way.
So, let me be super real.
I struggle with this.
Remember the time when my sermons were streamed online on other organizational platforms?
The views were easily in the thousands. I had my platform ready made for me.
But now that new the Kitedreams YouTube platform is set up, it’s a sinking feeling to start from ground zero again.
The views are in the hundreds.
If I start comparing myself with other speakers, I’d feel awful and quit.
Or I’d regret starting Kitedreams.
But if I remind myself that it is out of obedience that I’m doing what I’m doing, then my KPI isn’t number of views anymore- it’s the % of my obedience to God.
My question to you is- have you been 100% obedient to God’s call? If so, then you can relieve yourself of social comparison because God measures us differently!
I’ll never forget this story a mentor shared with me.
She said, one day, as she walked past an elderly lady at church, the Lord spoke to her and said, “This Aunty who fries beehoon (noodles) every Sunday for the poor for outreach will get the same heavenly reward as your husband, who’s a famous preacher.”
She said she was horrified!
But then she realized what a lesson God was teaching her- that He measures us not by our worldly standards, but by our obedience.
If He has given you a 3 by 3- meter plot of land to sow into, and you plough into it fully, your reward will be the same as the one who has a field of a thousand hectares and ploughs into it.
It’s the principle from the parable of the talents- it’s about faithfulness and stewardship.
It’s also the principle from the story of the widow with two mites- because though it was little, God considered that she gave more than all the others because she gave what she had with all her heart.
Q6. Do your girls fight a lot? How do deal with sibling rivalry or when one hits the other?
1. PRAY: On every day of my second pregnancy, we prayed they’d be best friends! God answered that faithfully ❤️ Never underestimate the power of prayer and guess what? It’s never too late to start!
2. HELP THEM BE ON THE SAME TEAM: This means praising them BOTH for a job well done, and admonishing BOTH if a task like cleaning up was missed. In our family, if a conflict breaks out between the girls, BOTH typically get disciplined, because it takes two to fight. We help them understand that fights can be adverted by getting out of the way, choosing something different, staying flexible or taking the lead in sharing. Some of questions that i often ask are: “Can you be flexible?”
“What’s your Plan B?”
“This is not working out. If you persist, there’ll be a meltdown and Mama will have to discipline both of you. Would you choose that or choose another option?”
This has helped Sarah-Faith a great deal, especially once she turned 4. Before that, fights were a lot harder to de-conflict using reasoning, but they both knew that any tussle over toys meant the toys would disappear- forever. I would give them away.
3. LAVISH PRAISE: Whenever we praise, we double it up. If we praise Esther-Praise for being brave to go to school, we grab the chance to praise Sarah-faith for setting a good example. This dissolves jealousy and strengthens their bond. I find it helps them celebrate each other’s wins.
4. HELP THEM EMPATHIZE: When they were younger and fought over snatching things (think having a 3 and 1 year old), I would get tempted to say, “Return that!” But it never worked well. Both would bawl. They’d both get upset.
Instead, when I used empathy and said, “Look at Jiejie- what is she feeling? How can you comfort her?” we would be surprised at how they displayed tremendous comfort.
Helping them FEEL for their sibling goes a longer way than demanding them to right their wrong, which I think can breed resentment or competitiveness for their sibling.
We hope these are helpful in growing your home in love!
Q7. I’m very burnt fr a church that prioritised believing the “right” things over perhaps love for people and their complicated journeys.. It’s easy for me to understand God’s justice but not his love. Please tell me it isn’t meant to be this way. I feel like I’ve wasted, yes wasted, so much of my life in narrow “church service”, bible study, Sundays, reading the word w others. No hobbies, only evangelism, all my life was “doing God”. I have so little of my own person to show for it. I know we are meant to die to self but I’m traumatised.
Thank you for taking the time to share parts of your life with me and to submit your questions.
As I sifted through these questions, I felt led to share an epiphany I had this morning with you and hope it will usher in your breakthrough- it’s REST.
While learning this new exercise today, I had a revelation-
TO REST- is a deep work.
It’s funny how so many of us strive and ourselves, doing the “same thing” over and over till we’re all burnt out, when in fact, the harder, more needful thing to us to rest.
Here’s what happened today.
In this particular station, I was supposed to lift two weights, balance them then squat down. That’s not unusual. What’s unusual was that the trainer emphasized the fact for us to SIT DOWN. The whole point was to sit down, dig into our heels, then use our leg and core muscles to push off and up again.
It was so hard that I thought I couldn’t get up at my first try.
The ironic part is that NOT sitting down made it easier, more manageable because of the momentum.
Rest is somewhat like that too.
When you’re serving, whether at work or in ministry, it’s easy to go on autopilot.
The harder, more needful thing our bodies, hearts and spirits need is that regular “sit down” where we DIG INTO prayer to recalibrate. That’s really where our TRUE STRENGTH lies. And it is through REST that our bodies learn strength again for the next season.
If you’re burnt out, tired, frustrated with work, life, parenthood, ministry, know this- it’s not wrong to rest.
Rest is necessary. Rest is Christian. Rest is holy, sacred, essential to our rhythms of life as is breathing.
God made Sabbath for man, not man for the Sabbath. He calls us to “love others as ourselves,” because He wants to draw us into that deep place of self-acceptance first, into that deep place of intimacy with Him knowing how deep His love is for each of us.
Would you trust Him and “sit down” from the flurry of life on a regular basis?
Perhaps what we all need is not to DO MORE for God, but simply learn to
SIT DOWN in His presence,
REST in His embrace,
and through that rest, find STRENGTH to rise up again for our next season in life.
Would you journey with me to make REST an intentional part of your journey?